The Sweet Smell of Sucked-Cess
(E.G. KREELY, walks out onto his Penthouse balcony. KREELY wears a smoking jacket and holds a drink. He surveys the city like a King overlooks his Kingdom.)KREELY: God-damn, will you look at this beautiful, god-awful city. I hate it. And I love it. I'm complicated that way.
(CHAUNCY walks out of the shadows)CHAUNCY: Yes, Kreely, you're quite the enigma.
KREELY: (still looking outward) Chauncy, when I invite a guest to my penthouse I don't expect him to call me an ass-cleansing solution.
CHAUNCY: That's an enema, Kreely.
KREELY: Come again, Chauncy... I must've misunderstood.
CHAUNCY: (catching on) I said "I apologize"
KREELY: (turns, smiling) Apology accepted. You'll find I can be a forgiving millionaire. Because, believe it or not, I grew up on the streets of those slums.
CHAUNCY: One would never believe it.
KREELY: Now, can I get you another Colt 45?
CHAUNCY: No, thank you.
KREELY: Honey bar-b-cue corn chips?
CHAUNCY: No. Thanks.
KREELY: Credit card with a seemingly-low interest-rate?
CHAUNCY: No. I was hoping we could discuss business.
KREELY: All in good time, man. I'm still reminiscing about the nobility of being poor.
CHAUNCY: Of course.
KREELY: They say when you're poor, you don't know where the next meal is coming from. But I was broke and I knew exactly where the next meal was coming from - a tin can.
(KREELY laughs, CHAUNCY offers a fake chortle)KREELY: Clever don't you think? I'm taking a class on writing bumper stickers. I'm halfway through writing a new one. Can you think of anything that rhymes with "No Fat Chicks"?
CHAUNCY: Sorry, I'm drawing a blank.
KREELY: Of course, with Chauncy it's all business all the time. So what is it this time?
CHAUNCY: Well, Councilman Harris and I were hoping you might lend your influence.
KREELY: Big bad Kreely, shaking up the political world. I love it!
CHAUNCY: Yes, and we're trying to -
KREELY: Elect a former bootlegger? Or a part-time prostitute? Or, no, don't tell me, a corrupt chimpanzee?
CHAUNCY: No, elections were two months ago. And that's just it. The new Mayor is making radical changes.
KREELY: I know all about change, Chauncy. Since I became rich, I change my socks everyday. I've become quite fond of change.
CHAUNCY: Well the new Mayor wants to change the schools.
KREELY: Chauncy, I make no secret about this - I dropped out of school in the grade that comes after 3rd grade.
CHAUNCY: I know, you've told me. If you'd just listen, please. The Mayor's cutting the Breakfast Programs. We can no longer provide free breakfasts to underprivileged children. I thought you would help because -
KREELY: Because I love breakfast? Yes, I make no secret about that either.
CHAUNCY: Uh, right. See we need your help to fund the program.
KREELY: (smiles) Isn't it ironical? A kid from the streets rises to power and now the very system that tried to crush him comes begging on its hands and feet.
CHAUNCY: We just want -
KREELY: Want, want, want. I'll tell you what you want: To give jobs to your lazy friends, so they can dish out bowls of Mueslix instead of getting a real job!
CHAUNCY: No, no -
KREELY: And you want to take money away from honest businesses like the makers of Choc-nutty Breakfast bars, or Apple-butter-chunk cereal.
CHAUNCY: Kreely -
KREELY: Let me tell you, mister, I might be new money, but I'm nobody's puppet. Or muppet. And definitely no Cabbage Patch Koosa.
CHAUNCY: I'm just trying to make -
KREELY: Trying to make me sick? Well you succeeded.
(KREELY dramatically throws a glass at Chauncy's face. The glass, however, is empty.)KREELY: Miguel!
(A manservant rushes onto stage with a bottle of Thunderbird. He refills the glass and disappears. KREELY tosses the drink in CHAUNCY'S face.)KREELY: I'd sue your sorry ass if I weren't so uncomfortable around lawyer-types. Now get out.
(CHAUNCY starts to exit. He stops halfway)CHAUNCY: Are we still on for go-karts on Sunday?
KREELY: We'll see, Chauncy.
(KREELY returns to the edge of the balcony and looks at the city)
KREELY: (to himself) We will see...
THE END.